This is not mine. I got this off of a forum or a website I think. But anywho, its funny and true at the same time. Enjoy
The Rules of Hooking UpIntroduction Everyone gives up their dreams of college athletics within the first week of school when they discover freedom and frat parties. Well, the dream's not over yet. Get your team together, put on your game face, and plan your strategy because there are plenty of girls out there playing the field and looking to score a hook-up. While some may dismiss this new sexual sport as an inferior spin-off of the one night stand, the hook-up is in fact very different. While one night stands imply a more heartless form of sex with a girl with whom you don’t exchange names (unless it’s a lie) and whom you have not the slightest intention of ever seeing again, saying you “hooked up” with someone can exaggerate the fact that you simply made out with a cute girl at the bar or may downplay the fact that your hard work just earned you a night of fun-filled, no-strings-attached sex with the girl from your Econ discussion. With so many people in college having busy schedules and graduates having highly involved professional careers, countless people feel that they don’t have the time to maintain a relationship with a boyfriend or girlfriend but still want their sexual needs attended to; hence, the emergence of the hook-up. Helping people get laid with no strings attached (in most cases), this new sexual sport is open to all of us who think we have game and want to get in on the action. Guys and girls go out almost every night of the week to have fun and forget the pressures of life with the ultimate goal of fulfilling their desires. However, males and females seem to have radically different opinions of the rules governing every stage of the hook-up. There are many conflicting opinions on what behavior is appropriate and what can help or harm your chances of sealing the deal, so we’ve created this guide combining opinions from guys and girls perspectives to help you figure out what the other half is thinking. Pre-game Since males as well as females are going out in pursuit of their next sexual conquest, competition is fierce. It’s important to establish yourself as a desirable candidate early in the evening, so making a good first impression is more important than ever. So what’s the biggest turn-on according to the girls that we asked? Confidence! “A guy who is confident, but not cocky, and knows what he wants is so sexy! Even if you don’t think you aren’t naturally confident, act like you are. Girls don’t want to talk to guys who seem like they are afraid of them.” Most guys said if they didn’t feel like approaching the girl upfront, the first way they try to capture a girl’s interest is by buying her a drink. Although buying a drink is an easy way to get a girl to notice you and is a very polite gesture to show her that you think she is attractive and that you’re intrigued, there are some very important conditions about making this move that many guys don’t always understand. Buying a girl a drink doesn’t mean you have bought her attention for the night and definitely not her body. While some women will politely converse for a while, you have not done anything more than buy her a drink. “The worst thing is when a guy buys you a drink then follows you around for the rest of the night thinking you belong to him…it’s possibly the biggest turn off.” If she ceases to be interested, take the hint. If she likes you, she will dive into conversation, invite you over to her table, and excitedly introduce you to her friends. Otherwise, don’t stalk her after she drops the “I have to go to the bathroom” or “I need to find my friends” hints. Just take your cue that this one isn’t happening. Guys expressed that women were hard to understand at times, but the truth is when it comes to satisfying their desires, women will generally make it very clear exactly what they want. Whether it’s through body language (touching, leaning into you, eye contact) or blatant flirting she’ll let you know where it is going. The Drunk Dial If you haven’t made a New Year’s resolution yet, now may be the time. Please, for all of us, give up the drunk dial, text message, or IM (whatever your preferred method of communication). Thanks to the ingenious technology of today we can get in touch with each other whenever we want…even in an inebriated state when we have no business talking to anyone. Unless you have established a comfortable “friends with benefits” relationship with someone that understands when you both are drunk and horny you both have needs that should be reciprocated, chances are if you try to line up your hook-up using anything but face-to-face interaction, you promptly will be rejected and possibly face humiliation the next day. If you choose to attempt to secure a hook-up with someone you haven’t encountered during your adventures to a local bar or party, take their hints just as seriously as if they were there in person. If they don’t answer the first five times you call, then realize that they aren’t going to answer if you call one more time, even from your best friend’s cell phone. And if they do happen to pick up and hear your slurred plea, or if they respond to your IM asking “hye waht ru doooin, wana cum ovr” with a definite NO, don’t keep trying. If you can hardly speak, you probably can’t get it up anyway (which, if witnessed, can lead to much embarrassment the next day), and your futile, drunken attempts will never work unless the receiving party is equally as hammered. The Hook-Up If you’ve gotten this far there’s no way you should ruin all your work, so follow the rules. If you do have sex, no matter how drunk you are, follow the Golden Rule of hooking-up: always sheath thy sword and dispose of it properly afterward. Seriously, if you get her back to your place and she hasn’t thrown up yet, it’s likely to happen so be prepared. Unless you are dying to get a girl pregnant, contract the newest STD, or never hook-up with this girl again, use a condom and don’t throw it on the floor afterwards either. Secondly, don’t push. Don’t push her head to your crotch, and don’t push your way around back. If she wants to do it, she will happily initiate or reveal all of her kinky desires to you. Trying to force her to do something she isn’t game for can lead to frightful results. More than one of the girls said that “when a guy pushes my head down there, it triggers a biting reflex in my jaw.” Plain and simple, being forceful can ruin everything and get you kicked out into the cold night, so don’t break the rules. Remember—you’re only going to get as far as she wants to go. Whether you only make it to first or round the bases, if you don’t play by her rules you probably won’t be getting anywhere. The Victory Dance So you scored and you’re feeling great. If you ever want to relive this hook-up again, don’t ruin the rest of the night. Girls usually don’t like it when guys get too sentimental with cuddling. This is a hook-up, not a relationship. You should consider getting a girlfriend if you want someone to lie in bed with you and kiss you on the forehead every night after sex. If the girlfriend scene isn’t for you, intimate gestures or being overly affectionate could also provide her with a false sense of security that you want this to go somewhere and unless you do, it should be avoided at all costs to ensure that her stalking you the next night out and possibly destroying a new hook up possibility is kept to a minimum. Also, when you leave, don’t tell her you are going to call her or contact her if you have no intention of doing so. She may not want to talk to you either or even make mention of the previous night’s events, so don’t tell her you will call and make her worry about why you didn’t contact her. Just politely tell her you had a nice time and get out of there. This brings us to the next point, the ride home. It is only polite if you are the host to ensure that your guest has a ride home the next morning. I’ve never met anyone that actually enjoys the walk of shame, so if you have a car, give her a ride home because you would want her to do the same for you. If you play nice and stick to the rules, the path will be paved for an on-call hook-up for the nights when the one you were each working on at the bar doesn’t work out for either of you. Timeout Things may not always play out the way you wanted. A girl may become clingy post hook-up, or you may cease to be interested. If this drama plays out the next time you two are out, she could be getting in the way of your new potential hook-up. Never fear, you can politely break it off. Don’t be cruel, just be honest with her. Although this situation is ideal, most men (and even women) lack the balls to confront the situation and very often females are so desperate and attached that they just can’t take the hint. In either case, there are a few heartless and rude yet no-fail solutions to the problem. Of course you could blow her off and refuse to have any contact with her. However, this may take more work on your part than you are willing to exert. Another option is to have a friend do the deed for you. Have him (or her) deliver the news and give her the cold truth that you could never tell her in a way for her to understand that it is over. If all else fails and she doesn’t get the message, you can always take the extreme route and hook-up with her friend or better yet, her roommate. Nothing will say “it’s over” and have as much shock value as walking out of her roommate’s bedroom in your boxers and happily wishing her a good morning. Thanks to Bree for Her Excellent Female Advice on Hooking Up, but Now a Note about Beer Goggles… Very often when we’re out trying to score a hook-up, we let our drunken horniness get the better of our seasoned judgment, and we make mistakes, becoming the victim of beer goggles. This is a situation that every man will eventually face, a time when he awakes to find himself in bed with an ugly chick and a killer hangover. These so-called “failures” can often result in ridicule from friends, but I am here to tell you they are nothing of the sort. Yes, beer goggle hook-ups happen. No, we don’t like it when they do. But to call these hook-ups “failures” is to degrade the very meaning of the hook-up. Hooking up, for all its worth, is about two people connecting in their time of mutual intoxication. It’s about living in the moment. It’s about knowing that life is short, that tomorrow we may die, or at the very least wake up with a headache that makes us wish we had. So, go forth and find thy partner of mutual attraction. Follow the rules, win her over, take her home, and if you want to be nice, buy her IHOP in the morning.
